Lost a way in Pretending

The way we act, things we like, things we do, our wants, our need.. is it what we are? or is it made by the person who we are pretending to be? You must be thinking, I am not pretending, it is who i am. But when you look back on things you did or way you behaved, it is all part of pretending to be ‘you’. When we were kids, our parents told us to play less and study more and we pretended to do so for our parent’s sake. I am not saying it’s wrong but we did because someone told us to do so. And now we are here pretending to be perfect kid to parent, perfect partner to your loved one, perfect parent for your children. We are in constant race of being perfect and in that race we start pretending to be who we are, when in reality we are nowhere close to be who we are.

We are always in search of happiness, success or just people. This search makes us empty inside and to fill this emptiness we take up something else. We chase money and end up being in job which we don’t like but in the end we pretend to be successful. We date a person because he or she is available when we need them but we are pretending to being love with them because we don’t have anyone else. The worst of all, we pretend to be happy when deep down inside we are sad. We can have money, success, job, partner but this will not give us happiness. So we pretend to be happy. We tell our friends, we have wonderful life. We don’t dare to go and explore that dark part of ourselves to know why we are unhappy.

What is happiness? Is it money? It is success? Big house? Holiday in abroad? I always say ‘happiness is state of mind’. A beggar can be happy even with no house and money. Beggar is person who has nothing to lose. He may not be pretending to be someone else. He is nobody. A middle class person can be happy who has settle job and family because he is not afraid of losing either of them. Devotee of god is happy person because he has dedicated his entire life to god and he has nothing to lose. Somewhere this happiness is derived from courage where we are not afraid to lose. Being in rat race, chasing money, comparing ourselves to others will constantly make us afraid to be loser, scared of failure. Sometime we see other and wonder that person is so happy but in reality he is pretending to be happy. He is the unhappy person but he is too afraid to accept that and we are deluded with his pretending.

We have lost our way in pretending, we lost our way to be someone else. Our life always took directions from others and now we are directionless pretending to be on right path. In my head, I know my pretending will come to end when I accept the reality of true self and who I can be. If you keep on pretending, it will soon be your reality but eyes will tell the real story. I don’t have to pretend to be liked by others similarly I don’t have to be pretending to be earning more money or chase success.

Even if I pretend to be happy, I will be doing by what defines me. Time will come when that pretending will change to reality and I will no longer be afraid to be me, whether a successful person or beggar - It will be real me!


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